Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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