my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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