Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
