I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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