WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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