i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
