I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm just crazy horny about you
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
