Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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