how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
