you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
