Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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