Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
