no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
