Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
