I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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