Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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