I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just found puke in my bra..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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