I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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