She went from zero to smokin in five shots
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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