I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
what day is it and did you see me today?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
