There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
