Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
