Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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