On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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