they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
