I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
