She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
