i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
