So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
