my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
