I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize