this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
