My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
