he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
