I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
