It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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