If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
