plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
