Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we made out on top of his cat.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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