you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
