You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
