wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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