i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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