I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
