dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize