I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
this will be a night to untag.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
