What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
