You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
