I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
