Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
