Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
