The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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