Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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