Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
