just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
