after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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