His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
