who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
