you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
