I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize