i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
