And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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