Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He did a backflip because drugs
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
