I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
