I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
