i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
