Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
