did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
