Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
