I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I will pee on everything he values.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
