SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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