Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize