I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
