it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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