Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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