i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
