im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
