I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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