We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
