He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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