so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
