If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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