I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
