so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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