this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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