mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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