The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
