Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
