i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
