it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
