the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i think my mom watched the whole time
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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