Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
